three

Dear Mom,

I miss you so much. We all do. I wish I could tell you everyone’s ok, but they’re really not. It’s kind of hard to be when our world is gone and the one who puts it back together is gone too. I wish I could write and ask you questions and believe that I’d get to hear the answers. Some days I think I can. Maybe there’s a special mailbox that will return a letter from you. But for now I’ll just tell you what I hope you already know.

Thanks for always being my shadow, You were content to let me shine, that’s your way. You were always only a step behind. When I was the one with all the glory, you were the one with all the strength. Your beautiful face and beautiful name and in the end a beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero. And everything I’d like to be. I can fly higher than an eagle.

To me there is noting like the beginning to this song, when it comes in so softly and everyone around kinda knows what they’re in for. This song has brought us through so many moments. I remember the first time I saw beaches, I was 4 years old and cried for hours and hours while you laughed at me uncontrollably. As I got older the song was always a corny joke. We’d tell endless people how it was about them… When all along it was always about you. IT has a different meaning to me now. Where I used to think being in a shadow was a negative, I now realize that your shadows really the only constant in your life. It’s always there, right beside you, the closest thing to you.

Mom, I feel like I’ve lost my shadow. It’s like I’m always living in the darkness, where I know it’s still there but I can’t see it anymore and it just makes everything off balance. Just like days in the sun without a shadow, sunny days seem to hurt the most. I wear the pain like a heavy coat. I still feel you everywhere I go. In sudden moments I see your face, I can see your smile. I hear you laughing all the time and I still refuse to believe your gone. I can’t believe it. I can not believe it. I really do not get it. I don’t believe it.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

If it wasn’t clear, you're what I want to be. The strength and love you showed me is immeasurable. Not too many people know how tough times got sometimes, but we did and you never treated it like a crisis but like another mountain to climb. You showed grace under fire.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,
I would be nothing with out you.

Lorelai, days are so weird. Some days it just stabs when I realize I can’t just GET PAST this and see you. It’s not fair. You died too young. Your story had just begun. I miss you so much every single second. Only God knows the hell that I’ve been through, just knowing no one could take your place. There’s a weight in my heart that wasn’t there before. Everything hurts more and nothing feels as good.
I’ll never have you here again. I’ve lost my hero. But I hope you know…

Chorus
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

you let me fly so high.
so high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you, THANK GOD FOR YOU
the wind beneath my wings.